I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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