all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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