how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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