Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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