Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
