Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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