in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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