My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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