i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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