i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
