Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
