I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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