I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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