why didn't you poke me back
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
