on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
