We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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