he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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