i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
