Soap is not a condiment
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
