I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
