I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
