I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
cat food counts as protein by the way
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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