he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
