i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
