you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
