We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
