I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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