My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
