Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
