i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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