When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
