Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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