I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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