he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
