3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
