True but thats because hes a fetus.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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