Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
