Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
