I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
