I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
