i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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