so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
