addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
