At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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