Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
