Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
