Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
