let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
