11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
