i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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