Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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