I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
