dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
