I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
