I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
