So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
