I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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