OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
