Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
