90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
