I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
