I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
