Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
