People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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