If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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